elevator teeth death meditation sleep index poetry consciousness internal temple 2012

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this is evidence that i am happy

because your teeth vibrate in a very specific way i laugh and fold at specific moments
i’m laughing hysterically as i’m licking your face yesterday with thunder that pretends not to be
this is evidence that i am happy
then speaking from a bedroom my voice is distorted
this dialog
why are you laughing at me i’m not laughing at you i’m laughing at me but this is nice over and over again
until i memorize the way you taste and i learn how to speak to your blood
speaking to your blood until i fall asleep and then obliviously walking around covered in your blood
and promising myself that i will wake up feeling calm tomorrow
but finally drawing a face in the upper corner because it asks me to
circling my room now and clicking my jaw then and later outside smashing the sidewalk with my teeth
this is how i decided to finally get out of bed
and this is how it happened before:
there were two people and they spoke silence
their home was a fixed point in space
so anyway

untitled poem mon 3:59 pm

mellon collie and the plastic walrus napkin by the smashing pumpkins where billy corgan is every band member until he accidentally kills himself in the bathroom right before the album release party but increasingly the feeling is that his intentions were good

automatic writing fri 1:26 pm

fuck my life is a theory consistent with the philosophy of getting an asymmetrical haircut and complaining to a corporate entity about mirrors when preferably you’d just like to take a walk outside or put your head underwater or pretend that your head is divided or whatever any mouth is doing besides being broadcast into infinity as this allows it to grow in specific ways in the same manner that a stairwell makes a weird sound when you discover it by moving a mattress and staring at the same wall for some time regardless of where you are traveling reveals a truth that will give you a better quality of life eventually and zero people will understand that

dark and mysterious places will work out and be chill

your phone fell out of your pocket while you were grinding
on a speaker
my phone fell out of my pocket when i walked out of my house
upside down
dark and mysterious places are areas where we meet
and at a specific time everything will work out and be chill

3:17 pm (23 hours ago)

the sun is out
because when i stepped outside today
my body felt different
like it wanted to ride a bike
or go laugh at an ant
or say hello to you
but now life is a poem again
because for some reason it always turns into one
sometimes life is a dish i am washing
that i never dry
because i am lazy
i wonder why that happens

the word rice

but i can dissolve an idea if i stare at it when im angry
i mean i cant
and if there are no more ideas left after a long time i will have only the word:
rice

and i can live off of rice for a long time

i suppose that is neat
especially that i will go here right now, behind this word
and then cut this section out completely

so that all you see is

rice

this poem contains no emotions

i can only write this with a pen that smells weird but
this poem contains no emotions
since i can find
no one
to help me fold this word
into something stupid
to make no one laugh
because it isn’t funny
to make fun of death
yet somehow i know that
if i open my eyes just right
i can create kind of concrete that is warm and expands
like so weird
and there’s this void that sells gentle white liquid
that can be useful for so many things
like dripping down your leg
but i will explain later
how to touch a girl
in great detail
to my father
who will explain it to me
when i am old enough
and it will feel like when you absorb the sea
and i will probably like it
because it will be insanely soft
but i will feel no emotion

a movie within a movie

a movie within a movie
dinnertime
smells like a cat
chinese food
people laughing at food
and enjoying being depressed
because they see it having a good time
and that makes them feel okay i guess
but
because you eat sad things
and your let your eyes get really warm
(which might be dangerous)
you think about how amazing it would be
if you died

automating writing wed 10:09 pm

a man that is devoid of the wind is to himself a pleasing afterlife of reason regarding the concentration of two central organized religions that communicate thru extraneous doctrine in one way or another either thru or against the willingness to send someone to sleep